Once, some people from a nearby village visited a saint to seek solutions to their problems they were facing from their neighbors and relatives. They felt that the saint would help them by giving some mantra or asking them to do some ritual. The saint asked each one of them to bring as many potatoes as the number of people with whom they faced problems.
The villagers were happy, thinking that the saint will now perform some ritual and solve their problem. The next day they returned with bags full of potatoes. The saint told them, “Now keep these potatoes with you for the next 30 days.” All of them happily agreed and started following the saint’s instructions.
After about 10 to 12 days, the potatoes began to rot and left a foul smell. And after about 20 days, the villagers found it difficult to keep the bags of potatoes with them due to the rotten foul smell. They rushed to the saint and told him that it is becoming impossible for them to keep the bags of rotten potatoes with them anymore. They requested him to allow them to throw the bags.
The saint replied, “If you aren’t able to keep these rotten potatoes even for a few days, how can you hold on to the negative emotions and rotten memories about your neighbors and relatives throughout your life?” Hearing this, the villagers realized how they had become victims of negativity.
The above story indicates our internal state. Many a time, we are unable to control our emotions. We often get entangled in fear, worry, hatred, anger, stress, jealousy, etc. To get rid of these negative emotions, one either blasts out aggressively or suppresses their emotions.
First Method: Letting out the emotion by way of anger on others
Aggressiveness is one of the common methods used to get rid of negative emotions. But this method is dangerous. By nurturing anger, hatred, envy, etc., one becomes a victim of guilt. Whatever be the reasons for anger, it always results in repentance and guilt. The person at the receiving end of anger waits for an opportunity to give back a similar reply, and this cycle continues. By letting out anger, one may feel temporarily relieved, but it is certainly not the right method of handling emotions.
For example, when we put sugarcane in the crusher, the crusher receives the juice’s sweetness before others. If we put bitter gourd in the crusher, the crusher receives the bitterness first. Similarly, if we entertain negative emotions, it first creates stress within us. When somebody uses bad words for others, they may not necessarily affect others, but they surely affect the giver.
Second Method: Suppressing the emotions
The second commonly used method is to suppress emotions. The person may appear calm on the outside but would be under tremendous stress within. Such people are unable to express their emotions properly and hence tend to suppress them. When such suppressed emotions surface, it is similar to a volcanic eruption. As a result, such suppressed emotions also give rise to various diseases, that come under the category of psycho-somatic ailments.
Hence, we need to refrain from both these methods of expressing emotions. If we want to be truly free from the bondage of negative emotions and be established in unshakable peace and happiness, here are a few techniques we can follow:
1. Take advice from your well-wisher
You can consult your well-wisher. Sharing your emotions with a close friend or counsellor works wonders. One feels relieved and becomes stress-free. It is observed that just giving words to your emotions in the right way can help in reducing the stress caused by those emotions. The listener (friend, relative, or counsellor) can also guide in such situations.
2. Encounter the emotions
Encounter the emotions by making use of the intellect. For example, if you feel afraid, then challenge yourself and face the fear boldly. If you feel worried, ask a few series of questions as follows to help overcome such emotions.
Question: Have all those incidents that I’ve worried about actually happened?
Answer: No. But few incidents that I had worried about, did happen.
Question: Were all those incidents that happened fearful and disastrous to the extent I imagined?
Answer: No. All weren’t as fearful or disastrous as I had imagined, but few were.
Question: Was I able to handle those few incidents?
Answer: Yes, I could handle them all.
In this way, with the help of such logical questions, you can encounter your fears or worries.
3. Witness your emotions
The best way to take charge of your emotions is to witness them in a detached manner. Emotions are like a storm arising in the ocean. The storm calms down after a while, but how you spend your time during the storm is important. This period is of awakening! The key to successfully handling emotions is to express them in the right words only after witnessing them without reacting impulsively.
4. Give positive words to your emotions
No incident is troublesome by itself. It starts becoming problematic only when one gives negative words to it. We describe every incident according to the state of our mind. For example, I was terrified… I am feeling unsafe… I was shocked…. I had a hard time…. I was frustrated… I was very angry… I was worried…. I was restless… It’s a difficult situation… etc. In this way, we unfortunately give negative words to our emotions and get trapped in the maze of these words.
If we use the word worry, it brings more worry. Instead, if we observe that emotion without labelling it and say, “Every incident has a solution. This situation has come for my progress. It is challenging me to learn something for my future. The solution lies within it. I need to be more aware.” When you remind yourself about this, you will not be bothered by that incident. By giving right words to your emotions, you can accept the challenge in every incident and happily work towards its outcome. Hence, remember that whenever you face any problem, take charge and shift from the emotions that erupt to the feeling of faith.
5. Ascertain the value of every incident
Would you pay 20 rupees for a matchbox worth 5 rupees? No, right? Similarly, one needs to give the right value to the incidents that occur in life. If one becomes restless even for minor incidents, they are giving undue importance to those incidents.
For example, while driving to office, a passer-by suddenly comes in front of your vehicle, forcing you to stop abruptly. You may get angry and abuse him. He may abuse you in turn. The rest of your day can be ruined by thoughts about that incident. This would amount to giving undue importance to that minor incident. It is best to stop thinking about it at that moment and move on. If we continue to think about it, we only end up ruining our day. Hence, we should learn to give the right value to incidents and thus take control of our emotions.
These five methods of becoming free from negative emotions will help develop qualities like self-discipline, fearlessness, discretion, patience, flexibility of intellect, an unwavering mind, a sense of wonder, fulfilment, love, joy, and peace within us.
